Freefalling For You
by Gosangoku
Summary: I'm sorry for saying I love you... and for actually meaning it. I'm sorry... that I'm not sorry anymore. — unrequited!UK/Fem!US


_The beginning of it all? I couldn't provice a specific date, because ever since I first saw you, I felt something strange. When I first saw your disturbingly sunshine-blonde hair, your painfully sky blue eyes, and heard your annoyingly musical voice, I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach and my knees go weak. When you smiled at me offhandedly, just because you caught my gaze, I had to rush to the nearest bathroom to throw up the nervous feeling in my stomach_.

**O-o-O-o-O**

I was never one for parties or clubbing, but seeing as my only friends were outgoing and fun-loving, I was dragged into it quite often. Truthfully, the flashing lights in clubs blinded me and left me feeling dizzy. The light buzz of alcohol never failed to make me sick. The thumping music left me reeling and staggering because the volume was deafening. All of the people crowding around me made me disturbed and almost frightened. The entire thing left me feeling claustrophobic. But when they mentioned she would be there, I abandoned all plans of studying and instead yanked on my worn trainers, hopped on my old, rusty bike and peddled madly until I reached the best flower shop I knew, six miles from where I lived.

"You haven't been here recently," the elderly woman at the counter observed softly as she accepted my scraggly pound notes. She handed me the red roses, wrapped in white paper and tied with a matching red ribbon. It had costed extra, but something told me it was worth it.

"I've been busy," I replied quietly, staring at my scruffy shoes and shifting nervously. I wasn't the most social person. I thanked her shyly as I held the roses close to me and departed from the flower shop, and mounted my bike again, clutching the flowers.

I was blushing madly when I thrust the flowers in her face, and stuttered out nervous excuses as to why I'd bought them for her when I hadn't even known her for more than a week, but she just smiled and thanked me nonchalantly, and then told me to hurry up so we could go to the club.

I deflated and let out a small sigh. She didn't get it...

_I'm sorry  
that I bought you roses  
to tell you that I like you._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I felt my face flare up as she ground up against me, one of her slender hands tickling the back of my neck, and one on my shoulder so she could keep her balance. She whispered to me, her usual jubilant voice now sultry and low, and I felt myself begin to tremble. Slowly, carefully, I gently pried her hand away from behind my neck, and supported her weight. "I'm taking her home," I half-shouted to Francis, who quirked a brow at me in confusion. "She's... not feeling well," I lied. She was drunk, obviously, but... I didn't really want to see her as someone who went out clubbing and got inebriated and touchy-feely. She wasn't like that.

Francis shrugged and waved offhandedly, not really caring that I was leaving. I scowled, mumbling to myself. _And I call him my friend_, I thought ruefully, as Alice slumped against me, trying to press warm, alcohol-induced kisses along my neck. I gently pushed her away slightly, wrapped my coat around her, and then took her home, shivering as the cold wind bit at my skin.

_I'm sorry  
that I was raised with respect,  
not to sleep with you when you were drunk._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I hated Physical Education class. I lied about having a condition, faking doctor's notes and signing a false signature, so that I could wear trousers instead of shorts, and wear long-sleeved tops instead of short-sleeved shirts. I was so unlike Alice, who openly displayed her lovely shaply figure, wearing a tight shirt that showed off her midriff, and shorts that put her tanned legs on display. Flushing, I averted my gaze. It didn't feel proper to look at her that way...

But I couldn't help it. I dragged my gaze back up to see her gawking at Gilbert, who had abandoned his shirt as he dribbled a basketball along the field. I looked back at Alice, frowning when I saw her small smirk and little giggles as she exchanged excited whispers with nameless girls in our class.

I looked away again.

_I'm sorry  
that my body's not 'ripped' enough  
to satisfy your wants._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I stared at the floor in silence as she rambled on, complaining and moaning about her parents working overtime, so she would have to walk home or something. After she had finished talking, I murmured shyly, "I got my driving license a few days ago."

She raised her plucked brows at me, smiling prettily. I blushed and stared at the floor again. Her smile was so beautiful... "What kind of car have you got?" she asked curiously.

_I can't afford one_. "I haven't got it yet," I lied. "I paid ages ago, but you know how some companies are. So annoying." I feigned an irritated sigh, and she rolled her eyes to humour me, but I could see minor aggravation in her eyes. "We can borrow Francis's car though," I added hastily, even though I knew he would make me pay him back somehow. Probably make me do his homework for a month again...

Bright blue eyes looked up at me happily. "Sure," she chirped brightly. "I'll see you after classes then, Artie." She waved casually as she jogged over to her Japanese friend. I clenched my fists in my pockets, trying to dispel the wave of jealousy that had swept over me.

Classes didn't go fast enough. I was sweating and twitching in anticipation, because any time spent with Alice was just amazing. Every moment I spent with her was the new best part of my life. I glanced at the clock every five minutes, and leapt out of my seat as soon as the bell went. I stumbled towards the door, blushing and glowering when I heard people snicker.

I met her outside, and she grinned toothily at me as we approached Francis's Honda Civic. I frowned, hands shaking, when she complimented the car, and lied smoothly, "Yeah, it's alright. I'm getting a better one though." She squealed and praised me, and launched into a rant about hot sports cars, and then blinked at me strangely when I opened the passenger seat door for her. After a moment's awkward silence, she laughed and insulted me jokingly, and hopped in. Stiffly, I made my way to the driver's seat, shuddering at the cold weather. I never got my coat back from her...

_I'm sorry  
that I open your car door,_

_and pull out your chair,  
like I was raised._

**O-o-O-o-O**

The boring brown paper bag that was in my grasp was soon crushed with the force of my clenched fists as she rambled on dreamily about other guys. "Kiku's kind of short, but he is sooo cute!" she declared, giggling, and then smirked. "And that Ivan... he can be a jerk, but he sure is hot..."

I bit my lip hard to stop myself from snapping angrily, and soon tasted metallic, salty blood swimming in my mouth.

"Wow, Artie!" she suddenly cried, laughing animatedly. "Your cooking sucks _all_ the time, but, man, it looks even worse when it's crushed!" she said, munching on her cafeteria-bought hamburger as I looked down in shock at my ruined lunch.

I tossed it in the bin and told her it was my little brother's fault that it burnt.

_I'm sorry_

_that I'm not cute enough  
to be 'your guy.'_

**O-o-O-o-O**

"I made snacks," I announced shyly, entering the room, clutching a plate of snacks so tightly (so that my shaking was undetected) that my knuckles turned white. I'd waited outside the room for about ten minutes before working up the courage to come in, feeling anger and anguish build up inside of me as I heard her, her brother and Kiku laughing quietly amongst themselves. When I came in, they stopped talking abruptly, exchanged subtle glances, and laughed again.

"No way," Alice said, grinning foxily. "Artie, you _made_ them?"

"You shouldn't have..." Matthew said quietly, but an amused smile danced on his lips.

"You _reaaally_ shouldn't have!" his sister enthused, sticking her tongue out. "Your cooking is even worse than that jerk Ivan's. His sucks, but yours!"

They started laughing again, and I masked my humiliation and upset with anger, as I left the room and chucked the cakes (that I made twelve attempts on) in the bin.

_I'm sorry  
that I am actually nice,_

_not a jerk._

**O-o-O-o-O**

"Hey, guys!" Alice cried, running into the classroom and skidding in her brand new sparkly dolly shoes. She grinned brightly, giggling as she lifted her hand. "Look what Ivan bought me!"

There was a flurry of movement, and the sound of laughter and chatter and whispers soon filled Arthur's ears. The rest of the class was crowded around a sheepish-looking Alice as an Asian girl cried, "Oh my God, Alice! That's got to be one of the most beautiful bracelets I've ever seen!"

"Yeah, it's the kind of thing you'd see in Tiffany's or something," Gilbert observed, and blushed in embarrassment when his Hungarian girlfriend asked how he'd know something like that.

I watched with an impassive face as I looked at her other wrist, seeing that she wasn't wearing the friendship bracelet I'd stayed up all night to make for her.

No one realised I'd left the classroom.

_I'm sorry_

_I don't have a huge bank account_

_to buy you expensive things._

**O-o-O-o-O**

"Gosh, Artie," she grumbled, sticking her tongue out as she fiddled with my PlayStation 2 controller. I hadn't bought it long ago, and I hadn't planned to, but she had commented how weird it was that a teenage boy like me didn't have any gaming platforms. I'd saved up my lunch and weekend job money for months to buy it, and I never even played on it. "You don't have many games, and the ones you do have are so boring. I mean, you don't even have Call of Duty. Ivan does. And Kiku."

I shut my eyes tightly as she mentioned their names, and said softly, "I have lots of the Call of Duty games. My little brother borrowed them without asking, the little git."

Beautiful blue eyes rolled before she nudged me and tossed the controller on the floor. "Hey, this is boring." My heart clenched, but outwardly I just raised a brow. I was trying really hard to be interesting... "Wanna go clubbing or something?" she asked, shifting slightly to grab her new flip up phone. She smiled at a text and began fiddling with buttons to reply. I still had a phone from five years ago, and I only used it to call Peter, my little brother, to tell him to be careful if he was going to see friends, or if I was staying at work late.

"I don't know," I murmured quietly, fiddling awkwardly with my hands. I wanted to hold her... "I kind of want to stay home."

"Don't be silly!" she cried, pocketing her phone again in her tight jeans. "Let's go, Artie!" She headed towards the door before I could respond. Sighing, I stood and followed obediently, just like a stupidly subservient puppy.

_I'm sorry_

_I like to spend quality time home cuddling with you,_

_instead of at a night club._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I'd never had a dream like that before. Usually, I dreamt that I was falling, far, far down, through the sky, as blue as your eyes, into an endless pit on nothingness. That night, however, I dreamt that you were with me, and that you loved me. I dreamt that we were kissing as we made love, soft, shy and gentle, exchanging careful, inexperienced kisses and trying to be gentle.

I woke up, bright red all over, and hit myself and inwardly shouted at myself. I was terrible for having a dream like that...

But when, the next day, she excused herself in class to go to the bathroom, and left her phone behind, I couldn't resist picking it up. I blinked when a message was received, and shakily opened it, nervous and-- sick. I felt sick when I saw it. I felt dizzy. I wanted to be sick...

_Last night was great, Ali. ;) x_

It was from Ivan. She told me she thought he was a jerk, so... so why...?

_I'm sorry_

_that I'd rather make love to you_

_than just screw you like some random guy._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I felt my heart lurch as she cried over the phone, blubbering and sobbing and shouting about Ivan being horrible and cruel. He was always so mean to her, so why did she still like him so much?

She finally stopped crying at six in the morning. She wasn't at school later, and I got a detention for falling asleep in class.

The next day, she was sitting on Ivan's desk and smiling and laughing like nothing happened. Again, she didn't notice me leave the room.

_I'm sorry_

_that I'm always the one you need to talk to,_

_but not good enough to date._

**O-o-O-o-O**

"I think... I think I drank too much," she moaned weakly, face getting paler than usual as she swayed dangerously. Worriedly, I rubbed her back soothingly, and hurriedly pulled back her hair as she lurched forward and spilled everything in her stomach. My nose crinkled at the smell of sick filling my second-hand Ford Fiesta and splattering over the new shoes I'd worn to impress her. She whined helplessly, and I resumed stroking her back in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. After a while, she felt better, and I gave her the water and aspirin I always carried with me, and then wiped up the mess as she got some air.

"I finished cleaning it now, so we can... go..." I began, blinking in confusion, and felt worry immediately claw at me when I saw no sign of her. I squeaked in shock and fumbled for my phone when I felt it vibrate in my pocket, and then realised I could call the police--

_i left with ivan; he was down the road_

_hope ur not mad_

_c u l8r, art x_

After staring at it for a few minutes, reading it several times in case my eyes were cruelly deceiving me. Letting out a shakey sigh, my lips trembling, I pocketed it, and slumped against my car.

When I got home, there was a post-it note with scribbled writing. Peter had gone out.

I cried in my room all night, not caring that Alice would probably call me all sorts of names for it.

_I'm sorry_

_that I always held your hair back when you threw up,_

_and didn't get mad when you puked in my car,_

_but when we went out and you went home with another guy._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I was driving well over the speed limit, my heart hammering in my chest, as I accelerated towards my intended destination, and wasted no time in leaping out of the car and dashing up to her. She fell against me, sobbing loudly and screaming, pounding at my chest as her blood rubbed off on my new shirt. The night sky loomed ominously overhead as I cradled her in my arms, and drove her back to my house to patch her up.

She never mentioned it again, and she smiled apologetically and spouted an excuse about being busy, when I told her I needed to talk to her.

_I'm sorry_

_that I'm there to pick you up at four am_

_when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,_

_but not good enough for you to listen to me_

_when I need a friend._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I paused in making my notes for English literature when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. With a blank gaze, I unlocked it, and stared at the text.

_i hav 2 tlk 2 u!!_

I turned it off and put it on the shelf, and continued making my notes.

_I'm sorry_

_if I start not being there,_

_because it hurts being used as a doormat,_

_only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I moaned weakly, trying to sniff through my blocked nose, as an excruciating noise filled my ears and made my head pound all over again. Letting out a heavy breath, I shifted painfully and reached for the phone, before pausing when I saw the caller ID.

_Alice F. Jones_.

I turned over and tried to fall back asleep. I may be sick, but I've got to work on Saturdays...

_I'm sorry_

_if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call,_

_listen to you cry for hours,_

_instead of getting a couple of hours sleep before work._

**O-o-O-o-O**

"Have you applied for university yet?" Antonio enquired, glancing up from his notes after the teacher had momentarily left to make more photocopies of worksheets.

"Yeah," Gilbert said, much to everyone's surprise. "I applied a couple of weeks ago. Here's hopin', huh?" He grinned uncertainly, and blinked in surprise when he received a kiss on the cheek. The brunette girl beside him smiled.

"You'll definitely get in. Where did my cocksure boyfriend go?"

"I 'ave applied also," Francis agreed, smiling charmingly. He turned to me expectantly. "Et toi, Arthur?"

I looked up from my book, blinking slowly, confused as to why I was being included in the conversation, before smiling disarmingly. "I received my acceptance letter yesterday," I admitted.

I blushed and muttered in disapproval when they slapped me on the back, ruffled my hair, and gave me compliments, and I hid my smile by ducking my head.

Across the classroom, I heard Alice ask waveringly, "What do you mean you aren't going to university, Ivan?"

My smile dropped.

_I'm sorry_

_that you can't realise..._

_I've been the one all along._

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm sorry_

_(if you read all this and thought of someone,_

_but didn't care at all.)_

_But most of all..._

_I'm sorry_

_for not being sorry anymore._

**O-o-O-o-O**

I felt a sinful sense of pride swell up inside my chest alongside the usual anguish when I saw the tears in her eyes as she screamed as her Russian boyfriend, who just rolled his disarmingly violet eyes and walked off. She slumped against the wall, sobbing into her hands. I took one step, prepared to do what I ususally did, and then I stopped.

I turned around.

I walked away.

I'm not hurting myself like that again.

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm sorry_

_that you can't accept me for __**w h o **_**I**_** a m**__._

_"You're so weird, Artie." _Am I...?

_"Your cooking sucks!" _No, it doesn't...

_"You're terrible at sports." _I try my best...

_"Why don't you play video games?" _I don't like them...

_"You're so short, man! Almost my height, and I'm a girl!" _I'm not that short...

_"You're skinny, too... Do you ever eat? Then again, I guess even you can't stomach your food!" _I've tried working out, but...

_"You don't drink? Why?" _Because I have to be there when you get drunk...

_"You can be a freak sometimes, Artie." _I... I'm fine with myself.

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm sorry_

_I can never do anything right,_

_and nothing I can do_

_is good enough to make it in_

_[ _**your**** world**_ ]_

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm sorry_

_I caught your boyfriend with another girl_

_and told you about it._

_[ _I thought that was what **friends** were for... _]_

I saw him kiss her.

"Natalia... I'm sorry for rejecting you before..."

"That's okay, Ivan..."

Face red and a sick, horrified feeling filling me, I turned on my heel and rushed back down the hallway, even though my class was in the opposite direction. "Alice!" I called urgently. She glanced back at me and rolled her eyes, walking off. "Alice!" I shouted again, and she sighed, mumbling something, before turning to me expectantly, eyes red... Did she know? "Alice..."

"What is it, Artie? I'm gonna be late, so spit it out."

"Alice... um... I don't know how to tell you this, but..."

"Just hurry up!"

I bit my lip and hugged my books tighter to my chest, and whispered under my breath, "Ivan's... Ivan's with... Natalia. I saw him kiss her, and--"

I froze for a moment, wondering why I suddenly felt an excruciating burning feeling in my cheek. My eyes widened, and I raised my gaze from the floor, to see furious blue eyes filled with tears. "You liar!" she screamed. "You're a liar! Liar!"

She already knew... _You're lying to yourself, Alice..._

"Don't speak to me! You're a terrible friend!"

I didn't realise I was crying until Francis pulled me aside.

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm sorry_

_that I told you _**I **_**loved**_** you**

_and actually _meant it_._

"Alice," I whispered in between breaths, shaking, trembling, shivering, and I didn't know if it was because I was freezing beneath the downfall of thick rain, because I'd ran and slipped and staggered to reach her, or because I was scared... "Alice..."

She didn't turn. She didn't even move.

"I love you," I blurted, my voice breaking, heightening again like it did when I was thirteen. "I love you, Alice. I've always... I've always loved you, Alice... Since I first met you. And I..."

"I hate you."

I froze, eyes wide and horrified and my breath catching in my throat. I stared at her expensive bracelet-clad wrist (she still had Ivan's gift?) in my shuddering hand's grasp, and then stumbled and fell onto my knees when she yanked herself out of it. She didn't turn around. "A...lice..."

"I told you not to speak to me." Why did she sound so uncaring? My heart was breaking all over again (why did I let myself get close to her again?), and she didn't care at all...? "You're a terrible friend, Arthur. I hate you."

And she walked away.

The blood from my torn up knees mingled with the pouring rain. My tears joined the mixture.

"But I still love you."

**O-o-O-o-O  
**

_I'm sorry  
that I_

**[c a r e d.]**

_I'm sorry_

_that I _{l i s t e n} _to you_

_at night,_

_talking about how you _w i s h

_you could have done something _different_._

x.

I'm [_not_] sorry that {**I **_**l o v e **_**y o u**.}

**O-o-O-o-O**

_**Axis Powers Hetalia **_**belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

**I'm guessing some of you must have seen this list with "I'm sorry" written over and over again with various things that someone shouldn't have to apologise for. I thought it was really sad, but terribly adorable at the same time, and for some reason I thought it would suit a modern version of UK and fem!US. I didn't want to make America sound horrible in this! XD; She was just meant to be kind of clueless, plus you know how people are when they get their hearts broken by someone they really cared about. I could just imagine Ivan toying with people's feelings, you know? .; I like him and all, but... I wanted angst, and~ Ahaha... So, I didn't mean to make America sound mean. XP Just a teenage girl who fell for the wrong person. :( And England's the awkward, shy boy who can't show his true feelings. . He may seem slightly OOC in this, but meh... deal with it. XP; This is kind of how I could imagine him as a teenager; awkward and shy underneath, but masks it with an uncaring, sarcastic attitude... Oh, wait, he is kind of like that. Haha~ Also, when America insulted him, she only meant it jokingly. But you can imagine what it's like when someone you cares about says things like that, right? It'd stick in your head and you'd obsess...**

**Anyway.**

**Hope you guys like this angsty drabble. XP Bye for now. :) Back to working on **_**Trading Yesterday**_


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